Deer & Dog Meditation

This day, Deer is standing in the road. Not unusual. Generally expected when driving around in this western mountain town. But this time she is so intent on watching something on the other side of the street. Ears alert. Her full attention directed forward. I slow, then stop as i near her, wondering if she is about to cross in front of me. But her attention is distracted. So I am drawn to look across the road. 

There, in the yard as intent on Deer as Deer is on she, sits a golden retriever. Not a peep comes from her mouth. She sits. Facing Deer. Watching Deer. I look for the person near by that has commanded her, golden coat reflected in the setting sunlight,  to remain still in Deers presence. I see no one. Yet there she sits. Alone in the yard. Neither barking nor jumping up to chase you, Deer. I am in awe of her stillness. And Deers. I wish I could find that stillness in my morning meditation. Watching. Relaxed. Yet completely alert in the present moment.

Are you speaking a language I can not hear, Deer and Retriever. I sense it. Wonder. Caution. Curiosity. Perhaps a spark of recognition.


You are young, not as small as the other Deer with you. Certainly as thin and scruffy.  Especially scruffy this year I think. A result of the dry spring? There is still so little green life springing from the ground. And this. One of your favorite spots for lunch and dinner? Do you, Deer and and Golden Dog gaze at one another each afternoon? 

Have you forged an unspoken friendship? 


I want to stop my car and gaze at the two of you until the spell breaks, until the sun turns the snow capped mountains into glowing rose quartz peaks, until i can begin to hear the silent language between you. 

What is the language that is spoken in the eyes of Deer and the erect and still attention of Golden Dog? 

Secret Life Revealed in Headlights...

Deer, Jack Rabbit, Coyote, & Owl, all in the course of one 15 minute drive home under the full moon.

Deer, standing at the side of the road. Casually eating the tips of the first green growing grasses in the high desert spring. I slow down as i approach, not wanting to startle her. As i slow, i see Fawn beside her. They are thin this spring, slightly shaggy and still those stunning big black eyes that can see right thru my thoughts. I try to empty my mind. Am careful of the excitement that i can feel when i see Deer so close. For i know that Deer can feel what i feel. her keen senses stretching into the night and reading it. Did you hear my silent thanks for your daily presence? Do you feel the pull of the moon when it's full? Do you wonder at human's odd machines that zip by you on the road all day?

Jack Rabbit. Tall ears at the side of the road as you zigzag in the left lane.  Deer has already reminded me to slow down and pay even closer attention on the dark lone road. Your darting gate reminds me again to refrain from getting lost in thoughts of where i am going & pay attention to where i am this moment. And you? Are you leading me away from your little ones? Capturing my attention, being the star in the headlights & keeping me distracted while they run in the other direction for cover?

Coyote. In the peripheral light of my high beams you looked much more red than Coyote and small enough to be Fox. If i had seen your tail i would have been sure.  You blended so closely into the landscape, i'm not sure how i saw you. movement perhaps. Perhaps it was just that my senses were heightened by the evening of Tibetan Transformational Breathwork that i was returning home from. I had to slow, almost to a stop to really see you, to discern your slightly reddish in the desert yellows and browns. You stopped for a moment when i stopped. Once again we exchanged glances in the night. Then you were off on your way.  Where do you go in the night? Were you looking for Jack Rabbit who i just passed zig-zagging in the road? Was she keeping you off her tail?

Owl. What a delight & a surprise to see you again. It has been months and months since you revealed yourself. And this time so close. You, in the air. I stopped the car. Felt like you were about to land on my windshield. Your enormous white underbelly glowing in the circle of headlights. I think i rustled you from a nearby tree. My lone car on the road so late. You came flashing from the side of the road, from a low pinon branch or your favorite sign post.

I haven't seen you here in a long time. The last time you stood in the center of the road. Tall. Huge seeming. Your ear tufts glowing like streams of light in the high beams. I stopped. You stayed. The two of us in the road facing one another. I was in awe. Heart melting as you turned to look directly at me. We stared, like two long lost friends meeting and not quite sure we were seeing who we thought we were. Or that's how it was for me. I can't say for you. The moments felt timeless, yet happened much too quickly.

I was willing to sit there and look at  you all night. Drink in the wonder & details of you - being of the night. What made you remain in the headlights, gazing from left to right with calm & grace? And why were you standing on the ground? Had you just captured one of the myriad of Mice that kamikaze across the asphalt  constantly on their missions in the sand?

Giving-Offering Thanks...

Today i give thanks, i offer thanks for one thing that i have never offered thanks before.

Today i offer thanks to Betrayal. 

I know you well Betrayal. 
I have offered you to others and feasted on you when you have been offered to me. I have split and been split by you. And new growth has blossomed.

Today i offer thanks to you. Your medicine, your power is great. Your lessons & your teaching have softened me. Thank you for walking with me on this path for enticing me to dance with you.

Our dance has been important & transformative (trance-in-form-active). Your flames licking at my soles. thighs, breasts, heart, & searing a path in this mind.

In offering thanks i  invite a new friend to walk, to dance in your place by my side. I invite Forgiveness & Relinquishing to join us on this life journey. 

May we remain always together, never parting from one another's wisdom-family. 
Learning to see with the same eyes. 
Living in the chamber of Heart together. 
Dancing wildly in the flames....

Rummaging in the Free-box...

Last night Raccoon stepping out from behind the telephone pole. Late Night. The end of a wedding day. Out of the corner of my eye i see you. Movement in headlights. A bushy tail. Pudgy waddling body. Two ringed eyes meet mine an instant before returning to the ground. 

You moved back toward the pole. But you were headed in the direction of the "free-box." Did you have shopping to do? Were you looking for bits of candy bars forgotten in pockets? Do you regularly rummage through the the little shack of treasures, bins of clothes, shelves of old appliances, constantly revolving baby toys & swings & paraphernalia that rotates throughout the community via a dearly loved free-box?

We are like you, the Two Leggeds of this town. Eagerly stopping at this potential treasure-trove on our way to town by the light of day. Having a look in the clothes bins. Scanning the shelves.  Poking around in the  nooks and crannies of this 24 hour outdoor free-market. Looking for exactly the treasure we are in need of that day.  Do you try on the hats, slip paws into shoes in your meandering? 

In that instant of recognition, I wonder at your telling costume and your destination.  I wonder at your nightly foraging, the treasures you seek, your place in the 11 pm darkness downtown. You doing the work by night that so many do by day. Perhaps it's not the free-box that you are seeking this evening. Is it the dumpster that is directly in your path?

Rummaging. Have we left you no dignity? Only our trash as your treasure while we inhabit what was once your home? Or have we added treasure to your life. More from which you can pull and offer generously to your clan. 

I wonder what  it would be like to be Raccoon. A rather adventurous life, if i weren't living near hostile humans. So many laughing, tumbling adventures, so much generosity.  What would it be like to live in a community where each person offered their best to another. All of our best tumbling out and offered up until it was almost a comedy of generosity. I imagine the delight. 

A Mostly Wordless Day...

Motherblood in the Sky

I never cease to be amazed!

Little Ant with a Big Bite... and Snake with no Bite at all...

Today Fire Ant and Bullsnake brought their message my way.

Fire Ant lives in the cracks in my flagstone walk way.  A new home for Fire Ant this spring. One i tried early in the coolness to dissuade them from. But they decisively planted themselves about 10 feet from my door. I walk carefully in this area. Trying not to step on the busy moving red bodies as they carry treasure into their earthen homes. This is the dance we do with one another each year. I have learned that if i stand too long near Fire Ants, they will crawl up pant legs and I only discover this once the fire begins burning in my body. The blaze from their bite.

Today one traveled with me miles from home via car only to announce itself as I walked into the office.  A familiar spreading pain and burning lightening flashing its way up and down my arm.  Fire ant was quickly escorted outside and relocated.


On the way home Bullsnake (Pituophis catenifer sayi ) lay curled on the warm pavement by the creek. I swerved around her, pulled to the side of the road and walked back to persuade her to find another tanning spot. The one she had chosen most certainly was more dangerous than she was aware of, what with fast moving cars and humans with their fear of snakes. Knowing she is not dangerous (non-venomous and really gentle and docile in nature) I acquired a short but strong stick and proceeded to encourage her to choose another location. She was having non of it.

As I attempted to lift her 2 1/2 feet length, she hunkered down and tightened her powerful muscles, clearly indicating that she was not interested in moving. She watched me. I spoke, asking her to please move to the side of the road so that she would not be flattened by the next car rushing home form work, or the one after that.  She yawned and stayed.


I have never encountered this before. In the past Bullsnake has shown that she is annoyed by my interference by raising herself up and shouting open mouthed, then turning and moving away.  This time she refused. Her sunbath must have been especially pleasing, or perhaps it was a siesta just after eating a lovely snack. She was slow and clear about her intention, which was to remain where she was.

So I gave up on the stick, and talked my way through what I was attempting to do. "May I slide my hand underneath you", I asked? (What was I thinking, I am as terrified of real live snakes as the next person. I like the idea of them, but egad, touch one? Ummmm... why?) "I'd like to move you to a safer location." She eyed me. I moved toward her, slipped my hand under her weight and almost fainted with a fear I can't really tie to anything concrete.

She was smooth and tense against my fingertips, like the underside of Turtle, but with muscles that almost gripped me.Heavy. Ochre underside. I watched her head, knowing she could be lightening fast if she chose. Wondered why she moved so slowly. She seemed 1/2 asleep. Still. Sedate. Powerful. Slow to respond. She lifted her head again and opened her mouth. I didn't know if she was saying, "sure, OK" or "back off." But she didn't move toward me. Only watched.

So I lifted her. With all the nerves jumping inside of my belly, I walked slowly to the side of the road. Laid her in the sand and grass. She turned, again gaping mouth, not a tooth in site, jaws dislocating and relocating, watching me.


Was she thanking me for the care and effort or annoyed that I had disturbed her day?
Where is the place where wild-life and domesticated humans meet?

What is going to be is what is, that is love....

There is a beautiful snow peaked mountain

With peaceful clouds wrapped round her shoulders.

The surrounding air is filled with love and peace.

What is going to be is what is,

That is love.

There is no fear of leaping into the immeasurable space of love.

Fall in love?

Or, are you in love?

Such questions cannot be answered,

Because in this peace of an all-pervading presence,

No one is in and no one is falling in.

No one is possessed by another.

I see a beautiful playground

Which some may call heaven,

Others may regard it as a trap of hell.

But, I, Chögyam, don't care.

In the playground beautiful Dakinis are holding hand drums, flutes and bells.

Some of them, who are dancing, hold naked flames, water, a nightingale,

Or the whole globe of earth with the galaxies around it.

These Dakinis may perform their dance of death or birth or sickness,

I am still completely intoxicated, in love....

                                                               - Chögyam Trungpa, 6 August 1969

listen to the whole poem http://www.chronicleproject.com/stories_120.html

And me? ... I wake each morning and listen to this poem by Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche...raise my hands to the sky and choose life...then attempt to pay attention to the signs in a natural world that speaks to me..

Today, a Coyote, directly across my path in the middle of the day. I stop the car. Watch.  This makes two coyotes in two days. Midday each one crosses my path  or do i cross theirs? I wonder.  Coats golden as the dry  grass in this already drought high desert. And brown as the bottoms branches of the Juniper trees, who have begun to die after two or more years of low water. I morn their slow death, the Junipers who bring fragrant and sacred smoke to our ceremonies. The Juniper soft in the wind and dropping their purple berries each fall. They watch over my dreams at night.

I think about the bathwater i use so often to sooth my life. What does each tub full of water have to do with the slow death of the Juniper trees?

Is there a way for both to exist. my bath and this majestic and fragrant tree? What is our 'right relationship' with one another? What am I in love with?

Coyote stops when i stop (my car). Looks at me. Me at she. Drinking each other in before she slips into the landscape and my eyes can no longer separate her from the grass and dying low branches. Is she the dakini dancing in the immeasurable space of love? I only know I am intoxicated by her. I wait for her to arrive again. I seek her council. 

Yesterday there were three Ravens. Then Coyote. I know, from experience, that this means i need to be on the look out for ways in which i am tricking myself. I also know from long days on mountain roads, that another trickster is near. Yesterday that trickster arrived immediately in the form of a cop car.  Today, after Coyote, it was an immediate phone call. Wrong number.

Where are you leading me Coyote?